THE CLARIFICATION

“Dear boys/men,
we are really very sorry, ‘coz we won’t be able to trust you henceforth, due to some of the bad apples present in your tribe.
Sincerely,
Girls/women”

I had put this up as a status on the ‘facebook’ and as a tweet on the ‘Twitter’, yesterday, without realizing what I was calling for. To those who haven’t figured it out yet, this was pertaining to the recent gang-rape case in Delhi. Coming back to the yesterday’s fiasco, I was reading the novel, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ (Please I DO NOT recommend this book, it’s a total bull-shit) when I posted this on both of the social networking sites. After I completed a chapter; I just checked my notifications on both of the sites and realized I had called for a lot of trouble. Boys/Men, who are, of course my friends, attacked me from all sides. They were outraged, and the enthusiasm and anger with which they retorted was alarming. I tried explaining myself, but nobody was ready to eye it from my angle, in fact they were so offended, that they called me ‘lame’, ‘naive’, ‘stupid’, ‘immature’, and as, ‘what is wrong with you?’. I too got furious in no time (yes I’m short tempered. It doesn’t take much effort to get me mad, however, I also, cool down fast). The situation was like, I was saying, ‘the glass is half full’ and they were saying, ‘the glass is made up of porcelain’, yes, both were right.

None of us, were ready to see the coin from both the sides; we stuck to our respective sides. I was fuming with rage; I logged off from both the social networking sites, and got back to, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. However, reading that tripe ignited me more. I kept the book aside and tried sleeping off the fury, but I could not, nonetheless I had calmed by then. In that composure, I introspected, and realized it was no one’s fault. Concluded that, indeed, I did act a little immature by posting that; but my intention, what I had meant, was not deciphered the way I had intended it to. Hence, ‘THE CLARIFICATION’. I’m a restless soul, I can’t rest until I’m understood, maybe that’s another sign of my immatureness, but that’s the way I am. I don’t mind if people don’t agree with my perspective, but I do mind if my perspective is interpreted wrongly. So my dear boys/men friends this is what I had meant……

• First, and foremost, I said ‘trust’ not ‘blame’. There’s a huge difference between the two, I’m sure you know that well. I’m not blaming the entire male community, for what happened to that girl, I’m certainly not!
• My, ‘We won’t be able to trust you henceforth’ was not directed at you my friends whom I know well; I actually intended to address it to the other members of your tribe that I do not know well, like the cabbies, bus-drivers, vendors, salesmen, or any random men on the road. However, some of you my friends, got offended and argued that, I’m contradicting myself, that ‘NOT TRUSTING’ is equivalent to ‘BLAMING’. Now, how the hell on earth, my friends? Anyway, I’ll try explaining myself with an example, the trust that we earlier had on the cabbies/bus drivers (wasn’t that girl raped by a bus driver?) to drive us safely to our destination, will be questioned by our conscience. We, will suspect, yes we will, though he maybe a saint (by the way, have you’ll heard this quote, ‘looks can be deceptive’?); and would carry a pepper spray with us every time.
• Then some of you’ll asked me, as to what about the male members of my family, and my close male friends, would I say the aforementioned to them, too. No my dear friends, I will not! As I said earlier, this was not directed at you or my family. However, your this argument forced me to think in a direction I had over looked (Yes I tend to over-think, I’m a girl after-all).
• I would first like you to watch the video that a male friend of mine had sent it to me,

I think the bell is ringing, isn’t it? On one side, you only show us that a man and a woman can never be friends; and on the other side, you expect us to trust you, when next time we go out clubbing with you? (yes we trust you, but these things makes us think). In addition, if you have kept yourself updated with the news, you would know that many girls fall victims to their own family members, father/brothers/cousins/uncles. Those girls trusted them, but her own people royally brutalized her trust. How will you expect her to trust any men again, how? I know you would say that such things happen to one in hundreds, but it does happen; and so it does make us think.

Therefore, this is what I had meant! The truth is my friends; the reason why I said ‘we won’t be able to trust henceforth’ is because, my tribe is weak. Yes, you read that right! Though my egoist side would never succumb to believing in that; but at the end of the day, the truth is we are feeble, of course physically, and that has been proved time and again. Hence, the ‘NOT TRUSTING’ comes in. You, all my male friends, I’m sure like us, even you were infuriated, and abhorred, what happened to that girl; but the thing is you could not relate to her agony. We could, and so we are scared, scared at the thought of, us being there, in her position. We are not blaming you, we are just terrified, and that’s what makes us suspect. Yes, I’m a feminist, but not a female chauvinist, and certainly not a gay. I don’t hate men, I love men. I love my dad, I love my male cousins, I will love my future boyfriend/husband, and my future son(s) too, so please do not have a doubt about that. I’m right now just a petrified being. Nevertheless, all my dear male friends, I trust you, trust you dearly, one hundred percent. However, do not get offended when any of my sisters, who does not know you; hesitates a little, before putting faith in you. Just remember, she is just scared! That’s all from my side, you are allowed to disagree with me; but this is my, and my tribe’s perspective, and I had to make you’ll see it!

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4 thoughts on “THE CLARIFICATION

  1. Read the whole thing and watched the video. I understood your point of view yesterday only that’s why i replied back “u might have phrased your view wrong” and i never took your tweet personally, there is nothing to take personally infact ,cause we hardly know each other. I felt it came out little strong and weak on your behalf –>when bombay was attacked by terrorist , very next day people came out in large number to show a strong front . hence just wanted to convey by my reply that “bad apples shouldn’t change your ideology”.

    No offence but the video posted by your friend is just nonsense, kuch kuch hota hota fan or what??? anyways speaking from my own experience, i have so many close ‘girl’ friends and i never took advantage of them even though they were desperately willing too,which doesn’t make me any less of a guy, gay or anything(was committed to one individual that time).The point being Bindi guys have conscious too and we dont go poking our dick at every possible chance. hence a girl and a guy can be friends., we don’t intend to have sex with our friends.

    Yes it’s true girls are the one who have to go through such incidents and just because we don’t have a vagina it doesn’t mean we cannot relate to the terror a girl have to go through in such incidents. obviously only a survivor ‘the girl in this case’ knows how much pain she has gone through, we all can just empathize with her but nobody can experience the pain she has gone through.

    Sorry, i called you lame,naive just based on one tweet of yours, have no right to do so. i guess just went with the overboard and couldn’t understand how you – such educated mature person forget that ‘the guy friend” tried to save her, which you deciphered for me later what you meant and now i am all clear.

    P.S i make loads of typos, not good at words at all , and this is the longest reply i ever wrote :p all good bindi. 😀

    1. Mr. Nobody you weren’t the only one who attacked me, I was royally attacked on FB, hence this ‘personal’ thing. Secondly, I know you have conscience, & that the bad apples shouldn’t affect our ideology, but the thing is, these things shake us up, scare us, hence make us suspect, that’s the only point I wanted to make. WE ARE JUST SCARED. And I do not agree with you on not knowing her agony, bcoz trust me dude 90% of girls have been ‘eve-teased’ (i hate that word) at some point of time, yes even I have experienced this, more than once, hence we can relate a little more than you people. And chill man it’s okay, I do tend to be naive at times. 😛 😀

      1. haha..I wrote ‘conscious’ instead of ‘conscience’, how unconscious i am right now…I should sleep, loads to study..

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